Do you ever have them days? You know, like every day? You wake up, you get the baby up, you go downstairs, bottle, bum, play, clean, cook, watch kids tele, slide in food or a cuppa somewhere along the way, put the baby down for a nap and start all over again and STILL somehow feel like a failure? Do you ever just feel so completely lost in being a mum, so much so that you feel like YOU don't exist anymore? Because I do...
I tried to make myself stop feeling like this, I tried taking control back but in a lockdown you really ARE stuck being mum and partner, but where are YOU? Some days I feel like I'm here in body but not in mind or spirit. I can sit there and talk and smile, but in my head nothing, or I'm genuinely sat wondering what in the fuck happened. One day I thought nah! You know what I've had enough, I was me before I was a mum, yes I have to be serious but only when it comes to the baby. It doesn't mean I have to watch my P's or Q's as if I did anyway ha! I can still dance, I make my baby dance with me, he loves it, he's only 4 months old but I can see he's embarrassed. So in order to just feel that little bit more me I'm going to tell you the 5 things that I tell myself every. Single. Day!
#1, You can do this - so important. When I say you can do this I don't just mean you can be a mum, no. Because I'm more than that. I mean you can do this girl! You CAN have smooth legs and an untidy house for a day, you can put yourself first for once. You can play with your baby and be stupid then jump your fella because he's looking fit in his grey hoochie tracky pants. You can cook and clean and feed the baby, you can have a day of ugly crying with no makeup on and then tell life you're going to kick it in the dick! You can do it, you're a woman you can do anything you want!
You are strong - Oh I've said this over and over and over. I used to say this before having the baby and I was just starting to believe it then motherhood happened and it all came crashing down. But after my 6th postpartum breakdown of the week, getting out the shower, sitting in a heavy atmosphere apologising to my baby before getting dressed and putting on a face of make up I realised wow, I AM strong. I'm strong because I can do all that and still get ready and go put a face on for the world, I'm strong because hormones getting the better of me still didn't diminish who I am as a person. I'm strong because I went through 9 months of losing the body and mind I had put so much effort in to build and I embraced it as much as I could and then when I felt at my worst I HAD to be strong enough to get my baby out safely with complete disregard for myself. I AM strong and I don't feel like a liar for saying it any more.
You were never perfect before stop trying now - I say this in jest at myself constantly. I always wanted to be one of THOSE girls. You know who I mean, always looks pristine, smells lovely, not a hair out of place even looks good when sweating, you know THOSE women. But they quickly turn into THOSE mothers, the ones who cook, clean, decorate, fucking build an at home aquarium from scratch whilst still looking like a fully functioning member of society. But I also realise perfect doesn't exist. Yes they may look perfect and paint a perfect picture but everyone has those days. Every mum has breakdowns, sad but true. Heck, every family has arguments and behind those perfectly painted front doors sometimes there is a mum just fighting to hold it all together on the inside, just so it looks good on the outside for fear if being judged. But fuck it. I've never been one of THOSE girls why would I be one of THOSE mums? I wear my imperfections on the outside and for some reason that's why people like me, some even love me it's insane. But when I realised I had to stop every 3 minutes whilst getting ready to entertain the baby I quickly realised that I was never perfect so stop trying to be, things are harder now accept it and embrace it. Be a mess, be silly, looks like you don't own a shower sometimes that is FINE. You were never perfect so stop trying to be and accept the erratic, loud, playful person you are, and show your baby how to be true to themselves.
You are the only mum he has, just do your best - This one was hard to accept. I'm the ONLY mum he has? Fuck I need to step up my game! But the reason I say it is because I find myself watching characters in films like Christina Applegate in bad moms and thinking "oh he would definitely benefit more from having a mum like her" but then when I see parents like that in real life their kids aren't any smarter than others, they don't develop any faster and at the end of the day they tend to go to the same places as all of our children do 🤷♀️ . So why not do mumming MY way? At least I know my baby will be happy in the way he's doing it, at least when he's doing normal shit, not tummy time, and when I'm trying to force him to eat whilst teething 😣 the struggle is real. But only I would understand my baby, only I know how he likes to be soothed, what specific womb sounds video puts him to sleep and what episodes of what programs he likes and what ones he doesn't. I'M the only mum he's got and I believe I was chosen to be his mum for a reason, my kids weird just like his mummy and daddy and he suits me down to the ground. I bet if you look at your baby you'll be able to name all the silly quirky little things about your baby that no one else will and THAT is why you should repeat this one over and over the more you think about it the more it makes sense.
You still need some you time, and that's OK.- most mums will struggle accepting this. It's strange mum guilt. Before our crotch goblins popped out most of us used to party any time, spend ALL of our money on nights out and clothes/shoes/hobbies sometimes even sacrificing food I know I did, and we would be happy to do it. Now though, well, that's a different story, last week I went onto the morphe site, had 20% off so went to but a few brushes totalling just over £20 with P&P, but when I went to confirm I though "aw shit can't do that with out getting the baby something". But what can you get a baby from Morphe I hear you not ask, FUCK ALL! So I left the basket and went on to River Island, excellent baby clothes I love it. I ended up spending over £50 on the baby. So long story short he has a new tracksuit and shorts set and my brushes are still in the basket 8 days later, I like to look at them longingly about twice a day. But it IS OK to look after yourself first sometimes. It's OK to have a break. I'm lucky, my boyfriend will always say "have a sleep" or "just have your tea, I've got him" I hate it with a passion, because he tries to do it constantly and again mum guilt AND partner guilt. But I npw revel in my mornings alone upstairs. Blogging is my outlet, with lockdown there isn't much else. I blog, I promote, sometimes I even just watch tele. I have made plans to go get my post maternity massage I was due to get in March but couldn't due to everything getting shut down. I have even made plans to go on several nights out, one with the girls, a nice date night with the boyfriend, we've earned it, and then one with all the couples along with the girls from my family who have really been there when I've needed them through out this lockdown! I'm making my peace with it. I went down stairs before to make a cuppa BIG mistake. I somehow ended up clasping my babies hands and feet like an old fashioned hog roast while my boyfriend wiped his arse whilst simultaneously whincing and repeating the phrase "please don't shit on me, please don't shit on me", before asking "are you sure you don't need me???" At least 3 times. This is mum guilt, offering up your morning cuppa to be shit on. And THAT ladies is exactly why WE deserve a break and it's OK!
These are just 5 things I say to myself every day and why. And I do honestly think every mum should take stock of it and think "are these 5 things I should introduce into my day?" Or "what do I need to remind myself every day to make myself feel good and proud?" If you ever find yourself thinking "I'm proud of that" or "I did that well" or even "I'd have loved if my mum did this with me as a kid" then maybe tell yourself that every day because if you know it's something you'd be happy with as a kid and it makes your child smile, be proud because odds are babe, they are!
Be proud mumma you got this! 💪 and be brave enough to tell yourself whenever you feel like you aren't doing the best, you are!
Until next time babes, don't be a stranger and stay safe.
💙 Much Love 💗