Good day people! OK so quite a fair bit has changed in my life in the past 3 months, as everyone knows I am pregnant, currently sitting at 38 weeks and about 12 stone in weight! Honestly sitting up is a challenge I almost suffocate under my own body mass, it's a thing.
I'm part of a group online and in being in this I have learnt quite a bit, like for instance that girls/women tend to have blurred lines when it comes to friends with benefits, something I have learned a lot about over the years. The girls seem to appreciate words I give them so I though, eh why not expand on that and put it on here.
So first thing is first, a friend with benefits (FWB) is NOT a fuck buddy so please don't be confusing the two, and if you do, then please confuse them the other way around so it suits you a bit more. fuck buddies are someone you SOLELY call to scratch that itch, no more no less. A friend with benefits is exactly that. Usually someone that you are already at least acquainted with hence the use of the word 'friend'. In my experience FWB is someone you have a common interest with or at least like enough to hold down a conversation with, but find attractive enough to jump.
1. Send the odd meme/funny video through the week to keep it un awkward.
2. Wish them a happy birthday on social media when it pops up.
3. Be supportive, like a friend!
4. Be honest and set boundaries.
5. Respect each others bodies enough to practice safe sex, and let each other know if there is anyone else on the scene, or you would like to start dating.
6. Keep things the same, if you were one of the boys before the arrangement, be one of the boys during and after, just you know, a boy with a vagina.
7. Let your freak flag fly, this is solely for sex right, so use it to your advantage none of this 'oh I don't want to make him feel bad' shite, that's where I went wrong! If they are shite tell them, you're a friend not a saint.
8. I can't stress this enough, if you find yourself catching the feelings then break it off! Unless you are certain that they feel the same way or you don't mind possibly ending the friendship or injuring yourself emotionally, then please, do yourself a HUGE favour and end it!!!
1. DON'T CATCH FEELINGS! If you do, do not stick around in the hopes that things will get better and he will suddenly have a friends with benefits Justin Timberlake moment where he has a once in a life time realization that you are the one, because odds are he wont.
2. Get in touch with them when you are on a downer and need emotional support - you're confusing your own mind and will only hurt yourself when they leave without cuddling because sex isn't love. (If they were an emotional rock before this, feel free to ugly cry in front of them, they want you for your cuddle wallet and fun bags not your face and personality or you'd have dated).
3. Go dating/sleeping around without at least giving them a heads up. Yes it's only sex but you could pass anything on and also just as much as you might get feelings you never know, maybe they could too and you don't hurt your friends.
4. Try setting them up with someone you know in a strange bid to rid them from you or make them realize that they want you, I've known this to happen and that is where issues arise.
5. Don't get angry or kick off on them if they want to move on or make remarks about finding someone else attractive/interesting. They are allowed wondering eyes, you two aren't a 'thing'.
6. Don't try and trick into dates! You know what I mean... 'Oh I feel like going for something to eat but my mate can't go she's so shit, you hungry?' because next thing you know you are putting him on blast for not paying for you like a gent on your date, buds split the bill.
7. Don't ask them out on a date unless you are prepared to A) pay B) Go halves or C) Be rejected. I'm not saying you definitely will but you have to be prepared!
8. Just please do NOT confuse your own mind. Put things into perspective and if you find yourself googling 'how do I know if my FWB has feelings for me' my darling, you have gone way too far and need to cut ties right now!
9. One more just for a bonus round because I really ballsed it up for myself with this one... DON'T agree to a date just to keep things from being awkward. I did not want to date a FWB, but felt awful saying no so ended up on a date with the lad and then things didn't go to plan at all, we didn't have those feelings. But things weren't that easy to just end, it ended in a huge argument and our friendship ended. He was extremely disrespectful which is my number 1 rule in life is to always be respectful! The argument ended with him calling me a fat cunt and me telling him he was shit in bed and had mummy issues. We never spoke again. So please don't agree to anything if you aren't vibing it especially with a FWB as they can quickly turn into a SWB - stranger without benefits, and if you value the friendship, it just isn't worth it.
I hope this has helped, I know it is quite a quick one but I just wanted to throw out some words that I thought could be helpful to anyone stuck in this situation or even considering it. As many of us who have done it are aware, it can go south very quickly but is easy to maintain so long as you follow the rules.
Also if there is anything you would like me to touch up on or cover, or a dating disaster type story you would like to hear then please drop me an email, live chat or comment and I'll be more than happy to accommodate. As I'm sure you are aware, if you can think it, and it's gone wrong, it's probably happened to me!!
Until next time girls and guys...
Don't be a stranger, and stay safe.
💖 much love 💙