My 'new normal'

2 min read
28 Jul

So we're all aware of what's what these days. But what's what when the 'new normal' has a big impact on your new normal as a parent? Health visitors become a thing only spoken about, doctors appointments are suddenly a rarity and you are encouraged NOT to go, and play centres well, they are just a thing of the past! I'm scared of my baby getting sick, I'm scared of my new life, I mean half the time I'm even scared to pick my baby up. If only everyone else fucking understood! 

In the past week I've fell out with my mum, my dad, taken my son to the out of hours over a very suspicious ANGRY looking rash AND my boyfriends money has been stopped. I mean, it's as if the universe has fucked me right off just when I need things to be zen and need people to UNDERSTAND! 

Can I just say, when a woman has a baby, baby blues, completely normal. I had them, my friends all had them, in fact I don't know anyone who didn't have them. However this is extremely different to post natal depression. I, do NOT need a doctor to tell me I have anxiety. Becoming a new first time mum is scary enough without the news and every single media outlet shouting DON'T BE CLOSE OR TOUCH ANYONE A KILLER VIRUS IS ON THE LOOSE! Then couple that with them throwing out 'a kowasaki like disease linked to COVID is spreading amongst children' on every social media platform and then everyones everyone spreading said scary, panic inducing news and every fucker having an opinion on it. Like OK Jayne love, yesterday you just put the sauce on pizzas in dominos, but today you know more than every medical professional in the UK, because YOU did a handy Google search and saw an article on a blag newspaper shared on Facebook. But you're right I should allow everyone to pick up my son 👍. 

I've told everyone numerous times that they aren't to touch my son, ONLY new mums during this pandemic will understand the FEAR. I should only have to say it once, however I'm finding myself repeating it constantly AND my reasoning behind it. Funny really, my friends 5 year old daughter understands she isn't to touch my baby and only needs reminding once whilst she is in my garden, yet grown arse adults need reminding in every message and on every phone call and then again in person every single time! Apparently this shit means I should 'get things in order' ERM, SCUSE YOU?! So me needing to get over my anxiety, brought on by a GLOBAL FUCKING PANDEMIC in my own way, means I need to get my things in order. I got invited to a garden party for my cousins girlfriends birthday, I ummed and awed for weeks about this, my poor boyfriend heared every agonising weighing up I made each day and he talked me into going for some 'me time', it took a lot of convincing. I was scared going, I was even scared there, but as anyone with anxiety will tell you, you hide that shit! And why? Because people will harp on that they 'get it' and they 'want to help' but then as soon as they see or are told you have it they turn on you. I'm experiencing it first fucking hand myself. I'm being attacked for not doing things the way other people want me to do them, constantly! It's not PND, I find that extremely offensive, not that it's anything to be ashamed of, it's offensive because it is diminishing how difficult post natal depression actually is, and how strong those women are for carrying on as they do and for getting the help they need. So it seems my two options for being the best mum I can without backlash from the general public who only show an interest when it suits them are 1, tell them I have a mental health problem caused by having my son, which I don't. Or 2, tell them they are right and I'm selfish for not wanting people to touch and kiss my 5 month old son at a time I'm the most scared I have ever been in my entire life. Some people would back down, some people would apologise, I will not. My sons health is everything to me and his health and my mental health come before anyones ego. I have said this time and time again, if you have to put others ego before yours and your childs health, they don't deserve that kind of courtesy.

New normal. Hhmmm, who's normal is it though? I hyped myself up for 9 whole months for going to play centres, spending time with friends and family and a much anticipated trip to the gym. I've had next to none of it, same as a lot of other mums and dads. I'm not one for the whole 'people have it worse' shouts, because someone having it worse doesn't make my situation any less painful or stressful, ya get me? MY new normal is me and my partner never having time alone, my new normal is when my baby runs a temperature or has a bump I stay awake all night long and only ring 111 if absolutely necessary, my new normal is second guessing anything and everything and hoping my son doesn't get any form of sickness that requires urgent medical care for fear of it not being so serious and us contracting COVID and things being a thousand times worse. My new normal is counting out 7-10 days from any time we have been to any type of gathering to see if any of us show symptoms of COVID regardless of the fact I wont allow anyone to touch my son. My new normal is putting up a fight with anyone who makes me feel that my rules are irrelevant or stupid because it isn't what they agree with because it isn't what THEY had to do with their kids. My new normal is explaining to people who had kids years ago that I'm doing my best in bringing up my son in the middle of a global pandemic. My new normal IS parenting in a global pandemic, something no one other than people going through it now will probably ever experience in our life time and I pray that they don't. So you see, when I see Boris saying we all need to adjust to 'the new normal' all I think is, you can shove the new normal up your arse, because we aren't all in it together, we all have our own new normal to contend with and it's not an easy ride. 

I'm doing my best in my new normal, lucky for me my baby isn't old enough to know any different, but that's also kind of what saddens me. My new normal is my babies 'normal' so it's time to straighten my shit up with a smile, get them crystals on charge and speak into existence that I am in charge of MY new normal, and so are you. We've come so far already, it's time to do our own thing, together. We got this mamas!

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