Fuck off Rona!

2 min read
20 May

Alright at the risk of sounding ungrateful or whatever for having my health this coronavirus can get to fuck! Here's a list of the things it's fucked up for me personally I don't know about you:

My birthday - alright then no falling over for me

Mothers day - even the takeaways are shut, and not allowed out, no celebrating for my first mothers day. 

Baby and me groups - enjoy mine and your dads faces and learning for the forseeable babe sorry if you grow up thinking 7 is a colour.

Seeing family and friends - no social life NONE! We are caged and lifeless.

Having a break from being a mum, even just an hour - say hello to being broken and exhausted and shouting at the mirror.

My first night out in a year and all subsequent - FUCK OFF! 

Me and my fella being able to get sexy without fear of waking up the baby - Cue the most awkward feeling of 'ooh ye right there, shit is the baby breathing' if you say you haven't been there you're a fucking liar.

Date night - yep, lets just eat our takeaway on the floor in the jarmies I've been wearing all say complete with baby sick whilst the baby sleeps on the couch in the hopes that he wont wake up and one of us will have to eat madrass with the temperature and joy of the iceberg that sank the fucking titanic. 

Going to the bloody gym! - mum tum, mum bum, mum arms... at what point to I just accept that I'm now a fat bitch with the body mass of small car?

Getting my independence back - nope you have the boyfriend who helps you which is great, but walks alone wirh the baby to visit friends/family etc, forget about it.  

MY MATERNITY LEAVE - all of this is wrong! Get your shit sorred Tory's!!!! 

I'm sick of walking around looking like a poorly groomed show dog, I mean I can walk on my hind legs, I can do all the tricks I just look like I live in the fucking jungle is all! Honestly I mean I CAN beg, I'm begging, just begging for someone to come sort out my baldy lashes, I'm so lethargic and unarsed about my appearance it's a wonder my fella wants a piece still, maybe it works for him he's always loved animals? Hairdressers CLOSED, well there's me looking like someone spat a chewed up fruitella in my hair and I couldn't be bothered to comb it out. Theraputic places CLOSED there's that much needed post baby massage down the shitter, the one I needed to feel like I'm not an understudy stunt woman for that fella in the unborn who bends to shit and runs after the main character JUMBY WANTS TO BE GROOMED NOW! Someone please, send help in the form of tan, lashes and a patient person to get the knots out of my back 😭.

It's not just a deadly virus it's an absolute shit on your hands and clap inconvenience that the government has done absolutely nothing to fix. You can say 'they locked down' but in my opinion they did it too bloody late, seems that's a lot of our countries opinion too. Honest to God I've never been so embarrassed to be English. But I digress. Covid you need to get. To. Fuck. Dear. It's like it's a dipshit, honestly coronavirus reminds me of ghostface from scary movie, doesn't know what the fuck it's doing, you keep thinking ah it's over then it reappears and takes another life. People are laughing at this shit because it's been handled SO horrifically by our government that some people don't even believe in it! And I get it, there are always conspiracy theories and trust me, I know. I have a friend and we mainly tall about conspiracies, aliens, witches and murderers so trust me conspiracy theories I'm there... usually. But I'll tell you why I'm not with this one, because I have family and friends who work in hospitals. This shit is very serious for some, and notice I said some not most or all, quite simply because yes you, or myself we could be fine, but it's not about us hello I have a 3 month old baby you think his immune system is as strong as mine which was built up over almost 3 decades of being outside, climbing trees, falling over and eating VERY questionable food whilst intoxicated? No of course it isn't, he's just over 3 months old sadly.most of his life has been spent on lockdown! Honest to God we take the kid on walks and he goes silent and stares around like he's never seen a tree before, my dad came round twice and stood and the window and both times the major titty lip come out, think the baby thought he was breaking in. In all fairness must have been creepy just having some random window man sticking his head in the house and smiling right? Just realised my child may now be traumatised in regards to any future window cleaner. See that's my point though, I want him to have a future and I'm not willing to chance it on his behalf. If coronavirus was a mum she'd DEFFO have fucking streaks I swear, streaks and stick on nails but blag they were done at a salon. She'd have a child called Lendel or Crayola even though she's from Bootle and would sit judging single mums for not making their kids attend every group and club around like her whilst she diddled the local deliveroo driver in her fiat because her fella was out grafting and shagging coke hores.

I'm so over this virus, I'm over staying in and being scared, I'm over the anxiety I face every single time any of us go out anywhere and I'm sick of not even seeing 2020. 

I have so many thoughts is this all a 'new world order' conspiracy? Is it anything at all to do with 5G or is that just shite because it's spray painted in various places around Liverpool? Is it just a very deadly virus we should all be extremely wary of? Or is it being over played in order to keep us in more?  

This whole situation is insane 2020 you're an absolute cuntshite of a year and I'm pretty sure on a global scale you're unwanted! If 2020 is a write off and we're stuck in I want my maternity leave back honest to God I've had enough. Sad thing is we can't even run anywhere. Fed up, fed up fed up. Just fuck off Rona and stop ruining peoples lives!

Stay strong people

💖much love💙

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