So this may seem a little controversial. But fuck it. This is my site and this is how I feel based on my experiences.
Let me say, what's true for me may not be true for others and that's all fine and dandy, HOWEVER based on my personal experience I WILL say that I don't like parenting groups on social media. Yep, that's right, that's what this WHOLE post is about so if you don't agree and you're one of these "I know better and you aren't entitled to your opinion" parents please fuckoff, or pipe up and make my point for me.
For those of you who know me or anything about me you will know that one thing I can't stand, is judgemental people. Sometimes you can feel the arrogance gushing from someone like a damn just snapped and instead of water it's filled with insults and I told you so's heading straight at you full pelt and there is NOWHERE to run! Sound familiar? If so YOU may have been a member of a parenting group on social media. Now I will always give a fair shout and credit where it's due, these mum groups are where I found a few good tips and found that certain things are dangerous. Such as bumper sets are hazardous and there is a fourth trimester (although not named the best) however what I did not agree with was the deliverance. I found out that bumper sets were hazardous when a FTM posted asking if cable ties made them any less hazardous, well, the comments she was met with, the distain and the out right abuse was mortifying even by my standards! We. All. Learn! That's life. It's is OK to educate, it's never OK to talk down to someone and treat them as if they are stupid or diminish their skills as a parent before their child is even born. This poor girl even defended herself by saying she wanted bumpers as her brother broke his arm in the cot bars when he was a baby and an ADMINS response was "rather a broken arm than a dead baby" and whilst I agree, (who wouldn't?) That is the LAST and most unhelpful thing that poor expectant first time mother needed. In fact that comment was the reason I eventually left that one disgusting mum group. What I don't agree with is this, from my experience, they say they do not gove medical advice or advice on parenting but they are NOT against insults being flung and aggressive tones being pushed at people who oppose their views.
I was called a bad mum. I was told "I feel sorry for your child" and "you clearly don"5 care about your poor baby" from complete, disgusting strangers, one girl even left a death emoji under a comment about my baby (unborn) and made out it was nothing after repeatedly saying my choices in parenting were bad and I should rethink being a mum. I of course completely lost my shit. To the point I got muted BUT SHE NEVER because one specific admin in that group agreed with her over all point, never mind the horrific insults she was slanging. Because I swore I got muted, MATE, let me tell you now, you make a negative remark about an unborn baby, and insinuate that they may die, you, deserve, a smack! And that's me being polite! I even had another admin message me separately apologising as this vile little bitch id a very well known dramatic antagonist in that group YET they keep her there. I got that apology due to me being 38 weeks pregnant and this admin was worried about my stress levels because this girls choice of words and attack was absolutely out of order. For those of you wanting to know what I said to get these repsonses? What God awful comment did I make to denote a dead emoji and God awful keyboard attack by some cheeky, scruffy bitch? (Yes I lurked her, I'm female, we do that). Well, the post was a woman asking if it was OK to have A drink at a special occasion. I don't mean get on your arse, chug the bottle of champers and move on to the gin, no. I mean a glass of champage to toast with, a shandy, or push the boat out a WKD. I said it was ok in my opinion, as always I say my opinion because I know everyone wont agree. However I've always had this opinion and it isn't going to change, each to their own. I've my views you can have your own. I said when I was 4 months pregnant I had a glass of champagne at my cousins wedding. Do I regret it? Absolutely fucking not. I gave up everything when pregnant, even steak. I had ONE drink at a wedding and it was bloody special.
The hate you get is astounding. Now I'll say this, when you are pregnant your emptions are everywhere. Anxiety is prevalent, or at least it was in me. Did you know more than 1 in 10 pregnant women develop anxiety? So would you not think that in parenting groups, especially mum groups it would be a matter of great importance for admins and moderators to ensure comments of a demeaning or insulting nature would be deleted and the givers of such muted at the very least? Because when I was an admin of a certain group (not parenting) my main concern was ensuring that no one who seemed in the least fragile, was met with distain or upsetting comments. I'm one who can hold my own, but I know a good few women, who especially when pregnant would cry if the wind blew too strongly. I've always been quite a defensive person when it comes to others, in the sense I would stand up for anyone who needed it if it was within my power to do so. I don't like bullies. But what is worse or just as bad a bully? Someone who has the power to stop it, sees it, and does nothing about it.
These mum groups can be a good thing and I'm sure for some they are. But when I got told I don't care about my babies health because I said I was weaning at 5 months old by some stupid witch faced horror who doesn't know me OR my baby my blood pressure went sky high. And did she get muted? No. Did she get a warning? No. Any repercussion what so ever? Absolutely not. And why? Because the admin, although a stranger and supposedly unbiased person, agreed with this horror, she left her there to call me for everything. I had to block the girl and removed myself from this group too as it was the WORST for biased comments. This "group to support women" who often put up posts to insult one another and told people "not to take things personally" if someone actively said something to hurt anothers fellings. I actually couldn't resist one day, said admin who was a complete bitch about the accusations thrown at me commented about needing peace in her life and "only even wanting good" on a different group (one where they only saw the good side of her). I took this opportunity and told her that this wasn't how she presented herself on the other group, that she was nasty and quite a bully and you never get peace if you aren't giving it, KARMA IS A BITCH! I then left that group, I don't have energy for liars. Said my piece and off I went, just like she had done. She then INBOXED me, calling me for everything, and as I told her what I thought she threw this string of abuse at me, in a very fast fashion, all too quick for my liking like she had done this MANY times before. I thought lets go, I'm not pregnant anymore only I can feel my feelings! So as I responded this spineless bitch blocked me 😂. This is the girl who is running a parenting group. Throwing insults around and cyber stalking people to have it out with them, bashing her own friends opposing group in the midst of it all and blocking so no one can say a thing back. This is the type of person stating 'no biased opinions' on her mum group. And this isn't just her, like I said I was on a few.
I went on to get helpful tips and find like minded women who sometimes struggled especially in pregnancy. And yes there were some absolute diamonds. But mostly piles of shit with mouths all too willing to spew their bile in the direction of anyone who opposed them. My friend told me to come out of these groups and eventually I did because it was giving the worst anxiety.
This is one of the BIGGEST reasons I created mouthy mum, my site is here for those parents who sometimes need a shoulder. The parents who need to see you aren't on your own. The ones who sometimes find themselves locked away in the toilet just for 20 minutes peace so you come online to see it isn't just you and you can do it. My site is here as your safe space and mine too! This isn't a place for judgements against YOUR choices or beliefs as a parent and if I don't agree with yours, tough shit that's my problem, your kids aren't mine and your shoes aren't on my feet to walk in.
We don't know eachothers reasons for everything, and that's OK because as they say variety is the spice of life. But it is NEVER OK to be a judgemental bastard.
I just thought I'd share this with you all, because any expectant parents I want you to know, you're doing great, head held high and if you ever join a parenting group and get hate... just leave. Because arguing with pig headed people will drain you of your energy and trust me babes, that could be going to much better use.
Mouthy mums always here if you gang ever need it, old or new, I'm here for you!
Don't be a stranger and stay safe.
💙 Much Love 💗