To be the perfect mum

2 min read
30 Oct

Hi all,

Ok so I'll just hit the ground running. There is NO such thing as the 'perfect mum', you'll always do something wrong in someone else's eyes, this was proven when I saw a grown ass man call a woman "disapppointing' for feeding her child 'that nasty, chemical pumped stuff' he meant formula, on the same day as I saw a thread of women shamed for breast feeding. Now I'll never be the perfect mum, I type this as I hold my sons ankles to stop him headbutting the floor as he dangles from the couch attemping to grab my water bottle. It's about balance. But I'll give credit where it's due, I'm a bloody great mum. I'm not perfect, but I'm as close as I can be. Some days I snap, some days I fall apart and some days I wish the twister from the wizard of oz would come and take me away so I could spend time relaxing with a tin man, or a talking chicken (see return to oz), even that bitch mumbie would be a welcome change to a teething baby and acid piss nappies thankyou! But other times, most times I adore being a mum, aside from the mental strain I've got my little possum baby clinging to me, he smiles I melt, he laughs, it's the most elated I've ever felt, he bites me... well I flip, have you ever been bit by a teething infant who already has most teeth, the pain is staggering. He bit my boyfriend a few days ago, this is the damage...

Damn pincer teeth!

He is teething AND has an 8 month sleep regression so the other night I had about a combined 2 hours of broken sleep. But in true mouthy mum fashion I'll write about that in depth in a separate post. Hardest regression to date INCLUDING when he had his milk problem too, you have been warned! So yesterday was absolute hell for me, BUT we went to his first halloween party which was great! Fuck you Rona...

We actually went to get him weighed 2 days ago, one thing I certainly didn't enjoy and let me tell you why. You can criticise me all you like, you can call me what you want, you can judge me by any standards I don't give a fuck, water off a ducks back right! But do not EVER judge or criticise my baby, because THAT is where I draw the line. Now I've gone into a fair bit of detail about my own piece of shit health visitor who is absolutely pointless right, pandemic came and she disappeared, not even so much as a courtesy 'sorry I wont be bothering' call. So my friends HV booked me in as a favour to get my son weighed. The first time they asked me questions I felt like I was on the spot and HAD to answer accordingly because this was booked kind of as a favour. But they didn't seem impressed at the amount of milk my 6 month old was drinking (30-33oz a day), I didn't care too much, he was thriving and healthy and doing things in his own time. The second time I was less favourable, they judged him on his eating this time, apparently "his milk is good but we're worried he isn't getting enough protein" I'm sorry health bitch Harriet, but you've known my son about a combined time of 25 minutes over a 4 week span, where did you find the time to be concerned?! I was dubious to book back in but I ignored my better judgement and though no, this is for the baby, get your arse back in. So I went 2 days ago and he is 22.4lbs, he's also quite tall. I was told "he's just above the 91st percentile, so watch his weight" and with that the gloves were off. I will NOT have his weight monitored, judged or dictated. Yes I wanted him weighed, yes I welcomed the help but what I will not have is someone directly correlating his BABY weight directly to his health. Not now and not ever. I don't do it for myself why would I for him? I'm 5 ft with D boobs and a size 10 dress, I'm actually odd in dress and clothing sizes, in fact I've probably spent more money getting dresses altered than I have buying new. At my most average I am a 12 on top, 8/10 on the waist and a 10 on the arse so you can imagine my dismay when someone throws in my "ideal" weight. No, I in fact think you mean YOUR ideal weight. At my thinnest I was still tippling 'overweight' and I'm sorry but I was anything but. So I won't have this unhealthy ideal instilled in my child and I certainly wont be booking in for the pleasure! If he wasn't thriving, passing every milestone before it was due, if he wasn't happy every day, smiling, lauging and playing I'd have cause to worry. I will give her her due, the HV did say it's 'just for joints' and said he looks perfectly in proportion. Which he does. But I had to respond with "I'm not worried at all to be honest, he's happy, he's healthy and he's doing amazing so I'm not bothered about the scales" she seemed to smile behind that mask so I suppose she may have agreed. But then she moved on to his bottle in bed, no no. She was very helpful but I'd rather not bite off more than we can chew at the moment, although I do think what she advised was great advice but at the moment we count our blessings when he sleeps through. But in case someone does want the bottle advice and is ready to use it here it is below.

That night as I said we had a terrible time. But then we had his halloween party the next day and it just made it for me. I wont share pictures of his face which is quite a shame because he is so cute. But just for arguments sake and show off mumness for the memories here's my little fat bat. 

See, so even completely sleep deprived, exhausted mentally, emotionally and never mind physically, even with torrential rain and a gloomy sky, even with a face like thunder and feeling like a whale. I got him ready. I went for the hour! And it was good to get out. This is it as parents, we may not be 'book perfect' but as long as we get up, we show up and we NEVER give up (a day in bed doesn't count), we ARE SPECTACULAR! And I'd rather be speccy tacular than perfect any day of the week.

Until next time lentils and germs, don't be a stranger and stay safe

πŸ’™ Much Love πŸ’–

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