Another sleepless night, cue the eye roll. I currently sit writing this in a somewhat slumpted position on my side on the couch in a kind of fetal position whilst trying not to let the vibration off the typing of my phone disturb the evil sleep thief that is my son.
So here's what my life has been the last 3 days. We decided to wean my son, in fact lies, we decided to wean him a week ago and it's great he loves pears, hates banana, deffo doesn't get that from me let me tell you. See, to me pears are the netto of fruit (remember netto, ha!), really I have to be DESPERATE to eat a pear, bananas are amazing but nope he isn't feeling it. He has a high chair, he loves it, until he hates it then it's my fault and I'm the evil demon mother chaining him to a piece of plastic that, from the noise of him and squirming, you would think was shrouded in metal spikes. I'm sure the neighbours think I put him in a chokey when he screams like that, when in reality he's just fussy as fuck and when he gets bored my head is a bullseye.
He flicked pear in my hair 3 days ago, I only washed it yesterday, yes you read that right! I'm a hair tramp, do I care, kind of, will I change... absolutely not. I get a shower and I can practically feel the anxiety taking over my body because I know I'll take 20-30 minutes in the shower, I'll wave goodbye to around 300 strands of hair which will inevitably clog the drain and I'll have to unclog with one hand whilst gripping my towel with the other and try not to fall into the bath that is coated in red hair dye. Then I'll have to dry my hair on a low setting because you can bet your arse the baby will be on his way to sandman land for the EXACT amount of time it takes me to dry said hair. Then I'll feel like I have to see to him with hair like tumbleweed and red streamed down my face like I just had an axe to the skull, because I've not had a chance to scrub it off my face yet. It's just a whole ordeal, so yes I walked around smelling of 2 day old pear and the worst part about it? I FORGOT. I forgot I had the equivalent of regurgitated jam on my person. This is motherhood.
He's also teething! This is as fun and joy filled as you could imagine. I actually wrote about this in an article for Daynia's site Mommy Slay! She is a fab writer and we actually found each other via social media, to read about my teething drama go take a look at the article https://mommyslay.com/teething-hacks. Here's a snippet of the LOVELY journey our little family is going through...
He has refused to sleep like a normal human for the last couple of days. I feel like I'm reliving the days I was in labour all over again, is this the 9 circles of hell? I feel like I'm in Coven in AHS where they get stuck in their nightmares reliving the day over and over and over. Like he goes to sleep, earliest 10 pm, then me and his dad get a little adult time and I don't even mean for the sexuals which is sad! I mean to talk, be daft, and possibly a bit of the dance with no pants but we're both a bit mentally scarred after the baby caught us like a week ago and it was just absolutely not OK. That's one thing they don't tell you isn't it, you have to have them in your room at least the first 6 months, fuck the law I do it for my sanity I check his breathing at LEAST 6 times a night. But that means you have to sex it up in there while they are asleep, it's weird but everyone I know has done it. We like sex, how do you think we all got pregnant?! But we get zero adult time ZERO! He has recently decided that waking up at 3 am is perfectly reasonable for a feed, which I wouldn't mind if he wasn't trying to refuse the bottles in the day! Then he will sleep for an hour and then sleep cry every 10 minutes until we wake him up at around 7-9 depending on how he is, this shit is HARD. So I wake him up and then the day starts. But like I said were weaning him and that's one great thing they just don't tell you isn't it, when weaning, it can turn an otherwise brilliant sleeper (like my son was) into a fussy rest demon. I worry about the affect it's having on him, then I'm like stfu he has 3 naps a day and one of those naps is 2 hours long he's fine it's us who suffer welcome to mumbie land!
He's behind on his immunisations massively, so I rang the doctors yesterday because his 3rd set of needles are SIX weeks behind, I'm not an anti vaxxer, I WANT my son immunised against meningitis specifically. The thought of him not protected at all against it scares the shit out of me. So after giving them SIX weeks to get their shit together and giving them the BOTD I called up and asked about the jabs, to then be told "oh it's the pandemic, it's slowing everything down" it's a PANDEMIC, yet pubs are open and my friend whose daughter is five days older than my son has had all of hers on time! So I told her this, this receptionist then tells me "well he may have missed the timing, how much older did you say she was?" So again I repeat myself, "not even a week" older. So she then flips her story and tells ME "well, we're fully booked" now as you can imagine this went down like a lead balloon! Don't sit there and blame your incompetence on a pandemic and THEN change to saying we've not received a letter due to you being fully booked! What excuse is it? So I get arsey and say "well, WHEN are the next lot in?" (Knowing full well they hold an immunisation day every week) and this lying bitch turns to me and says in the snottiest of tones "well that's what I'm saying, we don't know" I can practically see her filing her nails and rolling her eyes when she says it. I'm a mama bear do NOT push my buttons. So I just have it out with her there and then. I said they should know and it's pathetic that she's making an excuse for someone's incompetence. Let me just say I received a text message from my doctors months ago when this pandemic was RIFE and everything was locked down bar the "essentials" and it basically said don't let the pandemic stop you going for necessary medical care, and when I spoke to the nurse administering the jabs she told me they are to go ahead as normal! So this receptionist told me she would get the nurse to give me a ring if I wanted. (This was after her telling me, if I heard nothing for another few days to ring back, I'm not chasing for needles they've left him without for 6 weeks!). I said yes, but had zero faith (said receptionists aren't exactly known for their reliability). So I got off the phone and couldn't relax, the more I kept thinking no, he needs them, they had no intention of even sending the little yellow letter for them. I got angrier and angrier, so I thought I will NOT leave this in her hands again, I just wont. So I scoured their website, I left a shocking review on the NHS page for this GP (this GP has been terrible in the past with me, I only stayed as I didn't want to try changing during the pandemic and also, here's a kicker... I didn't want a change to halt the babies needles 🙄). I then found their complaints procedure and what do you know they require a hand written letter. Usually I wouldn't mind white chicking the shit out of this bitch but the post is ad unreliable as the receptionist these days so no thanks. So I shot them an email asking for the practise managers email address to complain to. Within 10 minutes this receptionist ring me, she's so polite, she asks if there is anything she can do to help and I straight up tell her NO! I want to speak to the manager, and she says "may I ask what it's for?" Usually I'd say none of your business but I thought nah, lets see. So I told her I don't like the way my sons needles have been handled, again she asks me "when were they due" so I tell her SIX WEEKS AGO! I can hear the cogs turning in her head and her heart fall out of her arse as she says "did I just speak to you?" To which I respond, yes, yes you did. And she fusses for what feels like forever and says "the er, the nurse is ringing you back you know, she's ringing you". So I say great, bit pointless if you are "fully booked" though or the needles are off due to the pandemic? I put the phone down and what do you know 20 minutes later RING RING it's the nurse. The immunisations had NOT been halted, they were NOT fully booked, they had clearly FORGOT to send my sons letter! Funny thay within 3 minutes of being on the phone I was booked in for the next weeks needles. Here is the kicker, the NEXT day I got a letter, quite an official letter REMINDING ME that my son had not had his third set of needles! Honestly, hand to GOD, you couldn't make this shit up. I wouldn't have even written about this had I not received that letter! Rant over... Below I'll attach the text that GP surgery sent me.
He has also recently decided kicking me is a reasonable thing to do out of boredom. So not only am I a sneezeguard, human nappy and a place mat for his food (ie my hair when he throws it or spits milk at me). But now I am also a kick bag, not just that he has monkey feet, like, he actually scrunches his toes up to grab my skin WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? I can't fight back, I just cower in the corner of the couch allowing it while he laughs at me. My boyfriend asks me where bruises on my legs come from, I just point at the baby because I have NO idea. I realise it isn't the baby, and I am quite accident prone from time to time, especially sleep deprived but come on 😂 kid you broke my vagina leave my spirit alone.
We went on a date yesterday. Me and my boyfriend, but you think this was straight forward? Ha! No! We had a raging argument before hand, of course we did. Which resulted im me throwing a strop and still being sat in my meffy dressing gown (use it to do hair dye and makeup) until 30 minutes before our reservation, we intended to walk but ended up getting a taxi due to this 😂. We also had to take little man with us. But for as much as I've ranted and raved he was AMAZING! But the lad was flirting with ALL the girls! Waitress he's tilting his head back to smile at her, the table behind us, he's physically forcing himself to stand on my lap to stare and laugh at the little girls behind us. He completely out shone mine and his dads first post baby date 😂. He just made the night. We wanted time alone to date but you just don't get that at the moment, or at least we don't anyway due to lack of sitters through the fact my dad visits people and mum has had the lurg (not COVID, she has been tested twice). But our little boy was good as gold, yes he tried to steal my steak and yes he tried to stick his whole arm in my cocktail but he was great. It was nice to get out. The waiting staff all had masks on, friendly too, I had to fill out track and trace info, why they want my address I don't know but I'm not willing to hand that over to any stranger I'm afraid. Don't worry before anyone comes at me, I gave my name and phone number, but I've had a stalker before and I mean genuine stalker ie finding my number and harassing me, knowing where I live and work etc. I'll have anxiety flare ups for the next 6 days awaiting a dreaded phone call or text. Praying we wont 🙏. But the date night was fabulous and I got my churros!!! Parade for me please! I've missed them so much since lockdown.
I thought I'd write a little post today because I mean, it IS a day in the life and to be honest I needed it for my sanity. And maybe someone can relate, maybe someone can laugh at my angry expense, maybe someone just got a LITTLE entertainment to sit and silently read whilst locking themselves in a cupboard away from the feral mini monsters claiming their home (that's right, pretend you're still in charge 😂). But I hope this has at least put a smile on someones face, if it has I've done what I set out to do. Laugh at my life, we all do it 🙄.
Until next time stay safe, and don't be a stranger.
💙 Much Love 💖