I'm not one to shy away from my responsibilities as a mummy, anyone who knows me will know I adore my baby more than anything. But that incessant crying oh my word. It forces me to wish for a time, just a tiny slice of time for me to relax, for me to be with myself or even my boyfriend. A time for us to be human, not just parents, anyone else? I find myself clawing away at the clock just desperate to grab any fraction of a moment to just breathe. And I feel guilty for it? I actually feel guilty. Is this the infamous 'mum guilt' people always spoke about? I always thought that was about money, and going out with mates spending £'s on outfits and makeup and drinks to piss away, not 5 or 10 minutes of solitude to just catch up on your own existence. I'll tell you right now, it takes some getting used to! I now feel guilty for running for a wee while my baby is asleep, for fear he might wake up and think he's been orphaned. Let me explain. Me and my boyfriend do alternate mornings, we came to a decision, a luscious decision may I add, where one day I would sleep in and he would take the baby down stairs when he wakes so I would get a lie in and time to be alone just for a couple of hours, and the next day I would, I highly recommend it. Although not everyone can do this I am aware we are lucky. But my word, it's still very difficult. I get key workers are going out sacrificing their lives for their wages and some for our health too, but we stuck at home are also sacrificing our sanity and some, our relationships. I am a member of quite a few groups and until fairly recently I was an admin for a group with quite a substantial number of members on social media, some 60,000+ and it has become quickly very apparent that a lot of relationships are struggling and a LOT of women are desperate for some alone time. My advice? Take any moment you can even if that means doing the dishes in the bloody bath. Or watching a bit of brooklyn nine nine while the kids and mr/mrs are asleep. Honestly grab it with BOTH hands like a kitten trying to catch a butterfly, because moments are flitting and with kids they are very few and far between. Take the moment, invest in it, make time for those little moments, especially you single parents and parents doing everything and don't you dare feel bad for it. After all you gave up the best part of a year, no drinking, putting up with gobshites views on YOUR body, mum groups 🙈 oh don't do it and straight into the sleepless nights and shitty nappies. So take what moments you're given queen because you bloody earned it.
Much love x.x